SMILIELANDTV

Men in deepest England have apparently found the Queen Oid.

 She is responsible for creating all the little baby Oidz now

circulating around eBay and other retail outlets,

a spokesman for the Queen Oid said she had

come out into the open after Magnet kitchen store declared an amnesty for her.

They said they had not been able to open their cupboards

since the aliens arrived in Britain and were thinking

of prosecuting the Oidz council but after

long negotiations they had dropped their lawsuit

due to being offered ten years free fridge magnets

and a 1% share in all profits from further Oid development.

We have been in touch with Magnet but they refused to comment further and

just made huge high pitched noises down the telephone.

A whale turned up this week on his holidays to see the London eye.

He was reportedly here to visit lost loved ones who were staying in the Thames aquarium luxury apartments.

A spokesman for the whale said Bertie had been travelling for some time and just wanted to get his head down.

He is said to be doing a press conference later today.

 He promises to speak with Tony Blair on the whale crisis before he returns to Iceland.

Captain Birdseye was said to have dropped everything to be at his side.

and has said he will back Bertie with what ever his plans are.

A guy went out to greet Bertie this afternoon.

"I am sure the tide will turn" Bertie said.

 "I have a friend waiting for me

at Southend".

This week saw Kiwi fruits on strike, apparently grapes were out selling

the kiwi's by 54-1 which in the eyes of the kiwi federation was an outrage.

A spokesperson said on behalf of the kiwi foundation

that the 1998 agreement signed by all fruits including the bananas

clearly stated that no fruit would sell more than another and only designated trees

were to be used for growing.

sheila kiwi shown in the picture gave the following statement

"This is an outrage the grapes are growing in multiple gangs and are clearly breaking all treaties"

We asked the grape foundation what the reason was for growing in bunches but they declined to comment.

The seeded grapes however did make a statement, and stated

"We don't sell half as much as the kiwi's do because no one likes all the seeds"

But Kiwi's disagree and intend to march on Tony Blair this week in protest.

The kiwi's have said if nothing is done about it they will ban all trifles and fruit salads.

Oranges have stayed on the sideline and don't want to get involved, at this point.

We await further development.

Smilieland tv sketches

This week in the Smilieland tv cake shop

man enters room :-

Man at counter :-  "Good day sir how may I help you?"

1st man :- " I would like a gerbil please"

man at counter :- "this is a cake shop sir"

1st man :- "you don't sell gerbils then?"

man at counter :- " no sir only cakes"

1st man :- " call yourself a cake shop, what kind of cake shop doesn't sell gerbils ?

man at counter " This shop sir and I suggest you go to a pet shop if you would like a gerbil"

1st man with curiosity in his eyes states :- "Do you have any budgies then?"

man at counter :- " NO NOW I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE"

1st man :- This is not a very good cake shop is it? "

1st man walks out.

2nd man enters the shop

2nd man :- "Could I have a horse please"

Man at counter "of course sir would you like that boxed?"

2nd man "yes please"

man at counter hands over a huge horse wrapped in brown paper

2nd man "Thank you"

2nd man leaves shop

1st man enters shop again

1st man :- " You just sold that man a horse"

man at counter " no I never"

1st man "yes you did I just saw him leave with a horse"

man at counter "Ah but it wasn't a gerbil was it?"

1st man " but you said you only sold cakes"

man at counter " we do unless its 11am exactly then we sell horses"

woman enters shop:- "Good day could I have a guinea pig please?"

man at counter "would you like salad cream with that"

woman :- "Not today thank you"

1st man " you can't sell her a  guinea pig, on a Friday"

man at counter  :- "why not sir"

1st man :- "Its sacrilege that's why, its gerbil day today"

man at counter:- " no it was gerbil day yesterday, its always gerbil day on a Thursday"

woman:- "everyone knows that. goodbye"

woman walks out of shop

1st man :- "can I have an apple pie then"?

man at counter :- certainly sir, would you like a wasp with that"

1st man :- why not, yes go on I'll have a wasp with it,"

man at counter hands 1st man a small package and wishes him well on his journey

1st man " bye "

1st man leaves shop

man at counter looks at clock sighs and says " nearly time for penguin feeding.

Smilieland tv sketches

The meeting place

Rain pouring down off mountain side, with torrential snow mixed in.

Man being blown apart by the wind, struggling to keep upright, on the mountain side.

Woman makes her way over to him against all the odds and gale

Man:- Do you come here often?

Woman turns to camera {wry smile}

Smilieland tv sketches

The toilet

Man in first toilet cubicle :- "Anyone next door?"

Man in second toilet cubicle :- "Yea"

Man in first toilet cubicle :- "You couldn't pass me some paper could you there isn't any in this toilet?"

Man in second toilet cubicle :- "Sure"

Man in first toilet cubicle :- "Cheers mate"

Man in second toilet cubicle :- " No problem mate, pass it back when you have finished because it is the only piece left"

Man in first toilet cubicle looks at camera {Wry smile}

Man in Barbers :- Just a little off the top

Barber:- Cuts just a round circle off the mans head#

Man in Barbers :- Thank you The Pope will be pleased

Download its a yellow mellow kind of day HERE