Probably the best site in the world after heineken


I was sitting at my PC just tinkering about what I could do with my life, when I received an email off someone in Canada, called Magret Magret, she informed me of a great site and how they needed some donations, so a little light bulb cleared my head and I thought it would be a good idea to get involved with the cause, So I emailed her back saying I would get right onto it.
The site was apparently called savin pussies, so I knew a guy who lived not far from me who knew where there were lots of cats roaming and he fed them every day, his name was Royston he was a real good guy and I had known him for many years.
I rang Royston the next day and asked him if he could get me any cats and the more the better.
To my surprise he had three for me the next morning and I eagerly wrapped them in the brown paper I had bought from Woolworth's cheap due to them closing down in a big sale, (I got it for 80% less than it stated on the package, which was £12, my son went for me).
Anyway it was not going to be easy wrapping them up as they kept getting out the paper, so we put them in jiffy bags first.

We mailed them the next morning and Royston helped carry them to the post office, The woman on the counter said she heard noises when she stamped them and asked in a mad funny smirky way if we had hamsters in there, we laughed and stated don't talk silly what would a cat site want with hamsters.
Two days later we had posted 36 cats and a goldfish, we had someone donate the goldfish and we just didn't have anywhere to put it.

It was around this time that I was arrested by some guy called vernan from the wild life crime squad, he reckoned someone in Canada had been in touch to tell them that I had been sending them cats through the post, I argued the woman had been in touch and wanted donations, he said I had got it all mixed up and said the site wasn't called savin pussies and he shouted at me to take another look at the report he was carrying, he was right the name had an "H" in it, I was bailed the next day and I thought it was really bad that I had got the name wrong so when I got home I rang Royston, and told him what had happened, he came around that afternoon and we laughed about how stupid we had been, he said he had 5 more cats out in his car so we got started right away with Bic razors, it was really hard getting all the fur off however so we had to pluck certain parts, Royston suggested using scissors but you couldn't see what you was cutting and I told him the woman in Canada needed to be able to tell the sexes apart.
We put them all in jiffy bags and sent them off, we didn't have to wait for long however and Vernan was back, he stood in disbelief as I told him I donated the fur to Quicko, he asked me if I was one of those whacko's but I was nothing like them they were dead, I decided the best  thing to do was go quietly however when he got his gun out and threatened to kill me where I stood if I didn't put the cat down.
The judge didn't seem to see my way either and find me £1000 and made me do community service, 12 months in the community painting fences but at least I will be able to catch some more cats to send over to Magret magret.


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