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Things to do in Liverpool before you die coupon

I was on Facebook and I noticed an advert telling me there was things I could do before I die in Liverpool by way of a coupon, I was intrigued by this and decided to get one, after a few weeks it arrived and off I went to the rubber suit, mask and flipper factory where one of the things I wanted to do was start my own website called "fart n sniff".

The guy in the rubber factory said I couldn't wear the goods before purchase incase I followed through, "fair enough"
so I paid for them and went home.

He wouldn't accept the coupon though, so I put it in my pocket and went home.

I decided the next thing on my list I wanted to do before I died was walk up and down a freshly ploughed feild in my snake skin underwear and tie, so off I went, when I got home I asked my wife to get the pliers and pull all the little lead balls out my ass, as the nice farmer decided to play duck kill with me.

She asked why the farmer had shot me, I didn't know maybe it was the red tie, farmers don't like red it scares their bulls.

My next task on my list was blowing up parliament but I couldn't find the matches or anyone who knew where I could buy any.

I always wanted to speak Taiwanese so I could ring them up and complain about the boxes I couldn't open, I had loads of these in the loft.

So off to my local college I did go, coupon in hand, the woman said they didn't hold taiwan classes but they did do Manderin, I told here I was allergic to citris fruit and did she do chinese instead!

She also said the coupon was no good there either and got the security gaurd to throw me out after I asked her if she wanted to join my fart n sniff website.

I went home to try my luck with the rubber suit I bought, it was two sizes too small so it felt tight on, but I did manage to get it on by lying in the bath filled with boiling water so it expanded but now I can't get the damn thing off or light my matches.

My wife says it's my own fault and where is the lav hole.

(two weeks later) My feet have swollen and my balls have gone somewhere in my inner stomach, one good thing though is the ass end is now sagging under the pressure, so it's time to put the flippers on and stand on my head.

The smell was horrendous my wife said but I couldn't smell it due to having nasal polypse, so she told me to cut it off and she would put a new zip on, I agreed but only after I could keep the brown chewy I found in the leg part.

After cutting the suit I asked my wife how it was even possible to get sun tanned in mid winter in doors, she tutted and told me she was definately filing for a divorce this time.

I was over the moon as this was one of the things I wanted to do before I died, so I handed her the coupon and said "you'll be needing this then". 


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